it’s hard to be critical | it’s harder to do it with grace

Years ago, I got a message on MySpace (of all places) from one of the owners of Playback:STL, an online publication out of St. Louis, MO that hosts reviews of music, movies, and books. Jim told me he’d found my blog and liked my writing, and wanted to know, would I be interested in writing music reviews?

It was so out of the blue, I wasn’t sure if I should take it seriously. But the website seemed pretty legitimate, and it seemed harmless enough to give it a try. They weren’t asking me to pay some sort of fee or commit to some crazy volume of work. Of course, they weren’t offering to pay me anything, either. But, I got free music out of the gig. And I like music. And, hey, wouldn’t this mean my name would be out there, somewhere, as a writer? So, I went ahead and told them, sure, send me some albums. Couldn’t hurt, right?

I have to admit something, here. I didn’t know anything about music then, and I still really don’t. I can’t tell a tuba from a French horn, or a trumpet from a trombone. It’s not something I studied, nor do I have any musical aptitude. My three-year-old tells me to shut up when I try to sing lullabies to her. (Seriously. I’m not kidding.) I just plain don’t know the language of music. But what I do know, is that music moves me. And I love to write. And that seemed to be enough for Jim, and Playback:STL.

Those of you who got your first iPod in the early 2000s won’t sympathize with me much, but that’s okay. I still like having a physical CD—there’s something more permanent about it. And I remember getting my first batch of CDs in the mail. There it was in my mailbox: a big, fat manila envelope stamped “MEDIA,” containing a boatload of CDs. Free CDs. I couldn’t believe it. Ones I’d hand-picked, too, based on short descriptions I’d read describing the artists’ inspirations, influences, and genre. Stuff I actually wanted to hear and write about.

The first one I reviewed was for a band I’d never heard of called Mighty Fairly. I hadn’t had much experience with indie artists yet, so there was something extra-special about it. I finished my first review as quickly as I could, sent it off to be edited and published (eee!). A few days later, voila! There it was, on a legitimate website, with my name attached. Awesome.

I got through three other CDs before I made it to the first one that was godawful. Maybe it makes me a little bit evil, but I sort of enjoyed calling out John Taglieri when I wrote, “Being a bad musician is one thing; disgusting lyrics accompanying bad music is quite another.” It was almost a year before he actually discovered the review (how that happened, I don’t know—I would’ve thought he knew he was being reviewed, considering that he’d sent his CD to Playback in the first place). He made light of my scathing review to his fans, and it was a little bit of a punch in the gut when I found his post about my review later. It’s hard to be critical, but it’s even harder to do it with grace. I’m a little embarrassed now about being so hard on him. He’s just like the rest of us—trying to make it in a vicious world, doing the thing he loves. Since then, writing critical reviews has been really difficult for me. But I do it. It would be a disservice to the community to give false and hollow praise.

A while after I’d been writing reviews on new releases, Jim and Laura started sending me to live shows. I had never had money to go to live shows, so this was a really big deal for me. Add to that the excitement of walking up to the ticket counter and requesting the press pass waiting for Amanda Pelle (it was Pelle in those days), and wow, I was in heaven. Especially when I got to see artists I knew of (Marie Digby) and artists Laura had a hunch I’d like based on the reviews I’d given her (Spouse).

Writing for an online publication is sort of an anonymous process. You don’t get much interaction with the owners/editors, because frankly, they don’t have time, and they have a LOT of people writing for them. Their goal is to find reliable reviewers who write decently. It’s up to you to pull your weight if you wanna stay in the game. I’m incredibly fortunate to have stumbled upon this experience as a writer and a lover of the arts, and even more fortunate to have met and befriended these incredible people.

My love affair with reviewing music went on for about a year and a half. In all, I wrote 17 reviews before I sort of slipped off into the shadows. I had a lot going on in my life, had just gotten divorced and moved halfway across the country, and music reviews just took the back burner.

As it turns out, you never stop being a writer. And thankfully, those who see potential in you never seem to give up on you, either.

Laura and Jim relocated to my home state of Colorado a couple years ago, not long after I’d moved back, myself. Laura reached out to me to let me know they were coming to town. After all these remote reviews and more than a half a decade, I finally met them in person.

And they are so flippin’ cool.

Getting to know these guys in person has been this incredible experience as a writer. I’ve gained a whole new appreciation on music since writing for Playback, and seeing up-close and in person what phenomenally gifted people run this organization has made me re-think what is possible. Jim is incredibly gifted in web design, and Laura is just a fountain of knowledge (and not in the pretentious way). They have these full, rich lives I never could’ve imagined when I was just some random person in Minnesota whose MySpace blog Jim found. I don’t know how they even have time for everything they accomplish, and still dedicate so much of their lives to this amazing music and entertainment publication filled with thousands of reviews.

I’ve gone to several shows with Laura since she moved to Denver, and she finally told me to stop being such a free-loading concert-monger (okay, not exactly her words!) and chip in. I co-wrote a review with her about O.A.R.’s stop at the painstakingly gorgeous Red Rocks Amphitheater. Though, to be perfectly honest, I would’ve happily written the Train portion of the Train/The Fray/Matt Nathanson review for her as well (OH, MAN was that a great show). She finally sent me off on my own to see my long-time favorite, Rob Thomas (who is on the short list of celebrities I’d cheat on my husband with), and though it hasn’t yet been written, the rest is history—I’m back in the game.